Ever thought the world was against you? Guess what? You were right. But it’s nothing personal. The world is a planet in a galaxy and it doesn’t give a fuck about any of us. That’s just a fact. Not an alternative fact or a pretend fact or just some fairly tale or pipe dream. It’s like a real hard core fact fact like gravity, and a very deep throat. So with that said, back to the world of organic planets that spin in outer space in this thing some scientists decided to call the Milky Way. That’s a really stupid name if you ask me which of course no one did because……..
a) I wasn’t around when the name came about but if I was…
b) I would have named it Lucky Star Way or the Unicorn Way or…..
c) Oh ‘No You Don’t Way.’
But since I don’t like hanging out with nerds that think they’re smart because they go around inventing stupid names like the ‘Milky Way’ and then go around acting like they know their shit because they get to name a galaxy that no one cares about in the first place except of course fellow nerds that like to hang out at Star Wars or Trekkie Conventions, I wouldn’t have been around to name the fucker anyway. As if I would have wasted my time with men that get excited about things like pocket holders and calculus.
And yes I know there are plenty of women that love that shit too. Good for you girls and women. Maybe when another galaxy comes around to name or another planet or whatever and the powers that be name their new discovery Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik then maybe more women and gay men will actually start paying attention. Then again probably not. But I digress…
So like I said the world is totally against you but don’t go around making it into something personal. It’s not. The world wants the dolphins dead and all the whales dead too for that matter. Free Willy didn’t realize how lucky he got. They made a whole movie about ole Willy but what about all his other friends uh…?
Did anyone make a movie about Jessica his ex-girlfriend that he totally decided to swim around on and then he got all pissed because poor Jessica went out with Willy’s frenemy Dick? And then all the basic bitch whales started calling Jessica a slutty whale. I mean can you imagine poor Jessica the slutty whale ? No. No one imagined poor Jessica. Jessica the slutty whale probably just said fuck it. I’m going to fuck every sugar daddy alpha killer whale in the sea and then try my luck with some sperm whales at Sea World just to made him jealous. Next thing she knows they’re making a movie out of his life.
And I haven’t even mentioned all the other killer whales he totally fuck over. And his parents. Oh god no. His poor parents. A nice middle class killer whale family they were. Did everything right. Made him and his brothers and sisters and brothers from another mother/father and sisters from another mother/father do whatever the hell killer whale families do in their free time besides swim around. Long story short Willy the killer whale is now dead.
And so is Jessica and Dick and all the whale bitches that made Jessica’s life hell and so are his parents and brothers and sisters and cousins. All dead. They all died a horrid death together at least. Got blown up by a Russian torpedo after a family friends reunion Willy insisted everyone show up to. Never saw it coming. It was bad. Boom!
Blood and blubber and brains and literal shit everywhere. The Russians totally denied it of course and covered it up. I mean who wants to be responsible for killing Free Willy and all his killer whale family and friends like Dick and the whale sluts he hung out will like Jessica? Not the Russians that’s for sure.